The biggest thing we can do to change our reality, is change our minds. The mind is a problem solving machine, chewing on what to eat for breakfast, what to say to our boss, deciphering what that stranger’s look means. We think about our thoughts. We think to keep ourselves psychologically safe, but mostly it creates suffering. We think to the point it hurts. We attempt to solve the unsolvable.
The most radical thing we can do is not see our life and the people in it as a problem to solve. Scientists have stated that matter changes as you observe it. You are the observer of life, and the way in which you observe then morphs what you see. Reality is dependent on the consciousness of the observer. If the observer just sees without paranoia or fear or distrust, the whole of the observer’s life will change for the better.
From the new wrinkle on your forehead, to the roll on your stomach, to the tardiness of your email responses, these are not faults, but things that are small parts of your persona. The only way they minimize is by seeing them as the tiny things they are, things that can change. They are not problems to solve, but fragments that reconfigure themselves in the light of consciousness.
If the wrinkle becomes a problem to solve, then what does your 70th birthday symbolize to you? If the stomach roll is labeled as disgusting, then what happens when you get another? Not seeing things as problems, does not mean we sit around in apathy and let life happen to us. It is a correspondence, it is a dialogue of accepting life as it is instead of trying to force it in our image.
The tantric path is one of “yes” to all of life. Yes, to the aging and the inevitable wrinkles. Yes, to the next heartbreak. Yes, to your neurotic mother and her loving demands. Yes, to whatever arises. Because to say no is to go against what fundamentally is. The more we place ourselves against reality in resistance, the more we live in delusion. To say yes, is to willingly acknowledge, even when it's uncomfortable.
A radical yes to life, allows us to work with it. This is grace; to take everything that has happened to you and look at it in loving awareness. It is a continual never ending process. Yes is a way of trust, to know that on the other side of pain is love.
I myself, am in a deep well of pain this week. But I have reframed my pain, and I refuse to be a victim. My boyfriend cheating on me is not an issue I need to ruminate on, but a process of seeing what is true. I thought we were meant to be together and build a life in Thailand, and now that is not happening. It hurts because it mattered. But life has greater plans in store for me. I have greater plans in store for me.
Each pain is an initiation into greater knowing. Each hardship is something that will bring more growth and understanding. Life can never betray me, can never betray us.
Life and the people in it are there for us to love, not to solve. In this state of humility, we know that life takes care of life and we put our energy into accepting what is.
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